Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

"Now the Sheriff is dead, the mayor is running a brothel and the minister is a drunk. My kind of town!" Big Smith, The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr



Proof that watching paint dry is still more exciting than watching the NBA.

During the summer, I attempted to convey the furious urgency of our work to prepare for winter. If it was outside the house and wasn’t done, it was going to be very difficult to do when it started to get chilly out. That’s because:
Frozen paint doesn’t dry very well.
It’s hard to pour asphalt at -20F.
My beer forms beer slush when it’s too cold out.

Those things make it just intolerable to work outside.

I got most of the things that I had planned on doing done. That was a good feeling. July was the turning point – the point where we felt we were getting ahead of the game. Now, as the temperatures first fall farther than the approval rating of a President named ‘Bush’ after an invasion of Iraq, I’m basking in a month or so of relaxation. I’m not pushing it.

Soon, though, we’ll embark on an entirely new batch of projects around the house, but those will be inside projects, interior renovation.

I started on those last winter, and finished most of the ones that I’d planned. These projects are nice, since they give you goals and things to do as the days grow ever shorter, other than go mad in a fit of drunken cabin fever and begin carving pictures of former Attorney General Janet Reno eating coffee cake on your body to relieve the boredom with a machete from Raiders of the Lost Ark that you got on E-Bay. I don’t want to do that (I’m out of room after carving that likeness of Strom Thurmond riding a Harley on my thigh), so we have projects.

Not that this place doesn’t need them anyway.

Now, when I’m talking projects, I’m talking ones that will make our house nicer. My buddy Oz talks about a house near where I grew up where the owner, confined to a series of very long and exceptionally cold winters, undertook interior building projects every winter. The result was a chain of rooms, each one more filled with beer cans and more inexpertly and strangely finished than the last (like evolution in reverse), linked in odd ways (going through the closet of one room to get into the next room) so that you had to walk through multiple bedrooms to get to a garage. This may not be exactly correct, Oz, but I’m attempting to give the sense of drunken winter carpentry gone wild over the course of years.

Fortunately, The Mrs. and I work well together on projects. She’s quite handy, and we actually enjoy each other’s company and rarely get into Three Stooges-type comic mayhem where The Mrs. ends up eating pancakes that I inadvertently made of drywall mud and retaliating by hitting me in the forehead with a hammer with the satisfying moderately high-pitched “bonk” sound.

But, all of that is in the future. Today I’m having a bit of coffee before we head out to an adventure of some sort, since the weather is more than warm enough (10F!) for playing outside.

What magical adventure will we embark on in the frozen north? Will we ski? Will we ride a snow machine into the wilderness? Will we mush a dog team through the frozen tundra? Will we go drill in ANWR just for the heck of it?

No, none of those things. We have a baby.

We have to go to the store, to buy formula and diapers. And beer. I’m getting ready to start working on the basement . . . and I don’t want the walls to be too straight.

10 Comments:

Blogger the Witch said...

Alaskan projects... will this involve duct tape?

4:01 AM  
Blogger Coldfoot said...

Duct tape, beer and guns.

4:51 AM  
Anonymous kipper said...

Speaking of ANWR and living in Alaska. Are you apposed to drilling in ANWR. Just looking for thoughts from someone in Alaska...

2:12 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

I vote for dog mushing. But you knew that already.

7:38 PM  
Blogger John said...

witch,
you KNOW it. Probably from The Mrs. duct taping some severed limb of mine back on so I can finish carpeting.

coldfoot,
you took the words right out of my mouth!

kipper,
as near as I can see, a significant majority of Alaskans are in favor of drilling in ANWR. Keeps our budget balanced without income taxes. If this weren't a federal issue, I would bet that the resource would have been developed a decade ago. Personally, I think that the resource can be developed responsibly and leave little sign once oil extraction is done. Like I'm waiting for my Nobel Prize, I'm waiting for my Senate seat, so I can vote on it.

This is a polarizing (pun intended) issue, though.

woof,
I would expect nothing less! But, we have a baby. Does baby rhyme with anchor?

12:00 AM  
Blogger Lady Luck said...

Ahh! At last, the three necesseties! Diapers, Formula, and Beer!

What?! No munchies??

6:19 AM  
Blogger Duck Hunter said...

seems like all your vacation time has halted due to the winter. Your blog was all about travel during the summer. Now it's all about being frozen. :)

2:21 PM  
Blogger John said...

lady luck,
munchies? We've got mooseburgers!

duck hunter,
Well, it is Alaska, cold is our middle name.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Aaron the Truck Driver said...

Beer.
So, if you had a hole in the wall upstairs (if there is an upstairs)and it was too high for a bear to reach.

i think some might call it a window.

You could theoretically use that hole as a refrigerator/freezer during the winter??

Yaa???

Do people do that ever? Po people?

Nice green paint man! That green looks good. Dark colors is always good. is good. are

8:59 PM  
Blogger Candice B. said...

Hey - Cool blog, nice layout! Checkout my unlisted numbers blog if you can.

11:07 AM  

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