"In the name of liberty, and freedom, and people, and... stuff... let's do that again." - Zaphod, Hitchhiker's Guide

The Boy's legs demand autonomy, and have petitioned the UN.

AP has reported that a group of indigenous Alaskans and Hawaiians want sovereignty. I figure that The New Boy would be in that group, since he is the only one of us born in Alaska. Being born in a place makes one indigenous, right?

From the AP story:
"We are independent and occupied peoples," Indigenous World Association spokesman Ronald Barnes said Thursday. "Neither Alaska nor Hawaii has ever ceded these powers."

Actually, I think Alaska petitioned for statehood for years and years, like we were pining to get the prom queen to out with us. I think we begged. It wasn’t pretty. So that’s maybe not the best claim for Ronald to be making. Most people living here then did have a chance to express themselves as we joined the Union. Heck, a large number of people living here were alive when Alaska became a state.

Alaska has the strength and vigor of being a youthful state. It also has the advantage of sitting on all that sweet, sweet oil. If you drove your car in California today, thank you. Your driving keeps me from paying taxes. Not that I’m gloating or anything.

I’m not sure exactly what the IWA is complaining about, besides having initials that would make one think that they give out world champion belts to people named “Hulk Hogan” or “Goldberg.” My bet is that they’re socialists (the word “World” gave it away) who want to recreate the wonders of socialism at the tribal level. Hopefully they read “Lord of the Flies” before they get too far into that project.

The part of the story that bothers me is that Mr. Barnes took his claim to . . . the United Nations. As much as I thought the idea of the UN was a good one in my naïve youth, I can certainly see that it was a silly one. To have a governmental body where the representatives of despots and dictators have equal footing with, say, Sweden, is silly. Sweden tortured the world with ABBA, but mostly otherwise is okay (dang it, now I have “Dancing Queen” echoing around my skull – curse you for your catchy pop songs, ABBA). Besides, the only things the U.N. has produced have been confusion and corruption and large numbers of strongly worded letters to people who view Schindler’s List as a “how-to” video.

So, a U.N. commission will investigate whether Alaska and Hawaii should be independent nations. I hope the representative from the United States doesn’t wilt under the pressure and throw in Idaho for good measure. Given where Alaska and Hawaii sit, it’s likely that should national sovereignty be granted, soon enough we’d have to learn Chinese. But that would be okay, because in China freedom of expression is number one and they always do what the U.N. asks, right?