"Well, it's made from very expensive material. They have to find exactly the right kind of goat." - Frasier, Frasier

Moose eating shrubbery. Not Houston.

There I was, walking behind her.

Furry hat. Furry gloves. Heavy parka. Scarf. Shivering.

One of the things that amuses me about Houston is that people get really, really prepared for winter. I think that it’s because it is a good way to go buy lots of expensive stuff.

I’ve never lived in a city where people take spending copious amounts of money so seriously. There are stands at the mall where you can get your poodle waxed while you shop. In the same mall you can buy a battery-powered-remote-control-toaster made of crystal and titanium along with that bigfoot-skull (made from a real bigfoot) mug you always wanted (I think that’s all at Neiman-Marcus©).

When you’re done shopping? You get a freshly-waxed poodle. Those are the best, because the water beads up on them.

I digress. I was following this woman who was prepared for a climate as cold as Hillary Clinton would expect if she showed up at a First Amendment Rights Foundation dinner.

Did I mention it was 40°F out?

Heck, that’s t-shirt and shorts weather. Me? This being a work day, I was forced to wear my corporate-drone-weasel-wear. I had my shirt-sleeves rolled up, kind of my way of putting it to the man. Call me a rebel if you must.

The woman I was following was shivering against the cold.

I haven’t worn a jacket in Houston this year. I think I used the heater in my car once, and that was because The Mrs. indicated she couldn’t hear the radio over Pugsley’s chattering teeth. In my defense, it wasn’t that cold, Pugsley was just gnawing on some lead-covered toy from China™.

It doesn’t get cold in Houston. It gets hot in Houston. Winter in Houston is when it is slightly less hot.

Yet, people get very excited when it gets slightly less hot here, perhaps it’s the expensive outfits, perhaps it’s just that, heck, the whole rest of the US is under sixteen feet of snow, so let’s pretend we have winter, too.

But, we don’t.

The nice thing is that you can get a diamond-encrusted Lexus© SUV with titanium-studded snow tires. Looks good when you drive by it while you’re mowing the lawn.

In January.