"Emphasis on doom." - Capt. Dylan Hunt, Andromeda

 

Many stone statues of Presidents. I had no idea that people in the past were so much more massive than people of today, and that no President had arms. Beyond that? I love Jefferson’s collar, but The Mrs. won’t let me buy one like that. Says I look too much like a pirate.

The Mrs. and I were in the car yesterday, and she mentioned that I am filled with the loving seed of Doom.

How so?

There is a cute (if you find mice cute) mouse hanging in our house. The Mrs. indicated the other day that it was running into things in the kitchen, and she either thought it must be blind or attempting to be cute enough that she would buy a no-kill trap for it and release it to the land of cheese.

Apparently that strategy worked, because we had to stop at Home Despot® this weekend and purchase a three-bedroom trap for the mouse that wouldn’t harm it in any way, unless it consulted a civil rights lawyer.

Now when The Mrs. indicated that this cute mouse was running straight into things, bouncing off, and then getting back up, I asked her if it was a cartoon mouse. The way The Mrs. described it, it sounded a lot like “Jerry” of Tom and Jerry© fame.

“Nope, real mouse.”

In reality, when critters act like that, I assume they’ve been drinking my beer (mostly unlikely, unless they have thumbs) or they’ve got some sort of disease that only Stephen King could adequately describe.

I mentioned that to The Mrs. She reacted poorly, renaming me ‘Buzz Killington’ for the moment.

We decided that was not quite correct. Hence, my designation as “Captain Doom.” She even suggested that she could get a Sharpie® and draw a little doom cloud emblazoned with a big ‘D’ on a white t-shirt. In that way, people could know of my super doom-forecasting powers.

I know that when we have an extra few bucks, chances are I’m going to ram my car into an unsuspecting idiot actually stopped at a yield sign and I’m going to have to fork a few bucks over because I’m pretty sure that money isn’t just to come to me and accumulate in my bank account.

Call me suspicious of the universe. I’ve been around long enough to not trust the idea of a free lunch.

So, I intend to remain doom-filled, but I intend to keep it bottled inside of me, like I keep my emotions. Because that’s healthy, right?