Interview with a Vampire Blogger

Above is a picture of a polar bear, or "nanook." As far as I know there are no bi-polar bears in Alaska. One can see that the polar bear in his natural habitat, his den. Nice wood paneling.

I don't know about you, but I don't have an oil painting of me in my den.This particular bear must be a narcissist.

The only other question I have is how exactly this bear successfully invited seals over to chat. It's like me inviting a group of Snickers bars over to my place to "just talk." Oh, sure, there'd be chit-chat to start the evening, but it can end only one way - I'd rip the hides off of each Snickers bar (regardless of the screaming) and enjoy myself as their chocolate and caramel melted in my mouth and dripped down my chin.

But, this post is really not about bears, it's about narcissism. My narcissism.

I got an e-mail the other day from a local reporter. I'll excerpt the relevant portion below.

My name's (removed, because I didn't ask for permission) and I work at (a local paper, not that there's a link to it or anything on the left side of the page). I saw your blog through a link on a co-worker's site (not that there's a link to it or anything on the left side of the page) and am I interested in writing a profile of a local blogger for Monday's paper.

If you are interested, could you get back to me today? I'd like to set up an interview for this weekend. Also, I would need your permission to print excerpts from the site and I would need to get one of our staff photographers to take your picture.

I look forward to hearing from you!

So, I saw this and I was thrilled. Alas, the message came in Friday, and I couldn't get back to the reporter in time, and I was not included in the story that ran. However, more important than being in the article to me was the idea:

Someone wanted to interview me? And it wasn't the TSA 'cause I was acting suspicious? I really don't think the New York Times would call me if I had "Blog from Brooklyn," so I realized that this is an artifact of living in a small population - the kind of thing that happens in Mayberry because Andy Taylor knows everyone.

Even though I missed deadline, I've decided to go with an interview anyway. Interviewers might ask difficult questions of me. I won't.

So, here it is:

Fake Interviewer: So, what got you interested in blogging?

John Wilder: I think it was the money, at first. Then it was the parties with Robert Downey Jr. After a while, though, the glamour wears off, when you wake up in a vat of cream with Winona Ryder, not knowing how you got there, you see the seamy side of fame. That's why I moved to Alaska. You know, keep it real.

FI: How long have you been blogging?

JW: Since about age eight, though then we called it "passing notes in class."

FI: So, do you feel writing an entry about your blog, in your blog, is somewhat ego-driven?

JW: Yes. (laughing) I would never do that.

FI: Is your family supportive of your blogging?

JW: If by supportive you mean "The Mrs. hasn't packed up her bags and moved back to Nebraska," then yes.

FI: The Mrs. is from Nebraska?

JW: No.

FI: So, what aspirations do you have for your blog?

JW: I want it to win the Indy 500.

FI: It's not a car.

JW: Don't trample my dreams!

I think it would go downhill from there. They'd want a picture, and then I'd throw them out after they refused to give me a gift bag worth a few thousand dollars, and I'd go into a corner and sulk with Elton John and Paul McCartney.