Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Sunday, October 16, 2005

"If they showed a chick's butt, maybe it would be a Buzz Clip." - Butthead, Beavis and Butthead

Another pretty picture of Alaska. Because you've come to expect it. Damn the pressure!!! Okay, it's easy taking pretty pictures here, so I'll stop whining.

Thank you all for stopping by tonight! We've got The Boy leading the Orchestra, and for tonight my sidekick, The Mrs. is here for our four-times a year clip show. Not that we're out of ideas, or anything, but some people like clip shows. So, here's our version of a clip show. For you. Whoever you are.

For those of you who intended to be here, a hearty welcome. You may wear proudly your Life In Alaska Golden Moose Antlers of Glory without shame. For those of you that some search engine misled here, well, welcome anyway.

I find it fascinating some of the search terms that lead people here. It makes me giggle that secret giggle that men giggle only when alone. You guys know what I'm talking about.

I'm happy that my leading search term is "Life in Alaska". Hell, that's the name of the damn site. It is nothing more nor less than it seems to be - the musings on what life is like here in this semi-exotic local. I mean, if you're from Fort Lauderdale, this place would seem like frigging Mars, I mean, there's not a NASCAR track for thousands of miles. Is this the best site to tell you what life is like in Alaska? Is this the best site to tell you what life is like in Fairbanks?

Unlike the Oracle of Delphi, I know not. But, I do know that this is absolutely and completely the best site to tell you what life is like in my house. Except for the one the FBI runs about life in my house. But, mine has better pictures, but the one they run knows the last time I got a traffic ticket. So, without further ado (most likely about nothing), here are some of the searches that tickled my fancy. Now, nobody else out there get ideas about tickling my fancy, because The Mrs. would so kick your butt.

So, in no particular order, here are some ways that folks got misled here:

My favorite is:
"i reject your reality and substitute my own"
For those of you who don't know, that's a part of the opening titles for "Mythbusters." Mythbusters is very popular in our house (especially with the under six set), and I will soooo have a Mythbusters-worthy video when it gets -55F here. It's cool enough that I'll attempt to post it. After I film it. Or digitize it. Or whatever we do nowadays.

Like Mythbusters, this site is seven words of real science for a thousand of John hurting himself. So, Adam from Mythbusters, if you're out there, a shout out from The Boy. And don't put your face next to a vacuum pump. Yeouch.

The next search term that got folks here was "Gregg Rolie."

I really, really like rock music. I had no idea how many folks like Gregg Rolie. Hell, I had no idea who he was. But, he had an entourage, seemed nice, and was willing to travel to Fairbanks for "Two shows." The Mrs. thinks I'm slightly gay for Alice Cooper, so, if you're slightly gay for Gregg Rolie, hey, I know how you feel. Just not why. But I hugged him.

Speaking of Dirty Harry (I know I wasn't, but I just couldn't segue gracefully between Gregg Rolie and Clint Eastwood), there is no comparison) one search term that brings bored folks here is: a man's got to know his limitations.

Dirty Harry was about the best cop movie character ever. When I went with a buddy to see "Tightrope", we were so MAD, despite the copious amounts of nudity in the movie, that Clint was such a wussy in it. I seriously can't imagine Brad Pitt ever being so good. Okay, off of the soapbox.

Another term that got two(!) folks here was "Jabba hut slaves." See my previous comments about giggling. That's funny. We have no slaves here, over the age of six. Ask me again next year. The answer will be "over the age of seven."

Okay. Somebody got here searching for "55F bra."

That's just odd. Paging Dr. Freud. Besides, a 55F bra would never fit across my glistening, muscled, 52 inch chest.

This is not meant to be a political blog, but, "mccain mozzarella" got a person here. So, instead of just at my house, he bogarts them at TGIFridays, too. I guess.

After the humor, comes the potentially life-altering. "god do you want me to go to alaska" got a single soul here. I was unaware of my status as deity, but, hey. Come on up if you want to. In actuality, that person was practicing a variation on "bibliomancy," which is attempting to figure out what you should do by picking a random passage from a book. Most commonly, this book is the bible. I guess this is "netmancy" via Google. I am so totally sorry that they ended up at this site. I'm going to shake my finger and say, loudly, in my Dad voice, "Do NOT listen to John for advice." Sheesh.

The last query we'll examine is, "What to do if being billed from Blockbuster for late fees".

Pay them. Doofus. And return your movie on time next time.


Blogger Woofwoof said...

I got here while looking for Michael Jackson. Do you know where he kept his Floo Bees? Last time I ask for directions.

4:56 AM  
Blogger the Witch said...

How'd I get here?

Why is woof after my stockpile of floo bees?

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was told I *must* come here.

I'm pretty sure that the Judge was trying to be nice -- but I won't *ever* get in that type of trouble again.

12:45 PM  
Blogger John said...

Umm, we only have pictures of Michael's butt. But, his Floo Bees . . . well, they're being dusted for evidence. Don't ask why.

you silly witch! woof has California market cornered - you get the East Coast. I sell them to Polar Bears.

The sentence will eventually be completed or

8:09 PM  

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