Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

"Now she's gonna think I'm a complete idiot." - John Leguizamo as Luigi, Super Mario Brothers

The Boy is on the lookout for Leguizamo. This is what happens when you let 'em choose their own duds.

So on Sunday night we went back to the Ice Festival. Tonight was different, though. Normally I’m as difficult to move out of the house on a Sunday night as it is to convince a PETA member that wolves aren’t fuzzy little people in wolf suits, but tonight was different. The Ice Festival was going to have a celebrity guest. John Leguizamo was going to be in town.

The Ice Festival hooked up with Disney Fox and had poor Mr. Leguizamo show up in Fairbanks. In winter. To plug his movie, Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Why you’d want to invoke melting at an ice sculpture competition is beyond me, but that was the idea.

Some background. A few weeks back I talked about Land of the Dead. I’m a hopeless junkie for flesh-eating zombie flicks, which dates back to when I saw the uncut Night of the Living Dead at the tender age of five on Creepy Creature Feature. As a side note, I’ve loved that stuff since I was four. I don’t think I’ve changed much since then. I’m essentially a big twelve-year-old with a penchant for bad humor and B-horror movies.

Well, The Mrs. and I sat down to watch Land of the Dead. I was jonesing to watch it since I knew it existed, but yet cheap enough to wait until it moved to five-day rental status at Blockbuster. I brought the movie home. We put the kiddies to bed, and The Mrs. and I snuggled up on the couch to watch it. She’s screwed up enough that she likes flesh-eating zombie movies, too. (A further note: I went though our DVD collection the other day and discovered a disturbing trend that many of my favorite DVDs include cannibalism. Maybe it’s just a coincidence?)

So, The Mrs. and I are snuggled on the couch, and the opening credits roll. John Leguizamo’s name flashes on screen.

The Mrs.: “Oh, Hell.”

Me: “What?” I pause the movie.

The Mrs.: “It’s got friggin’ John Leguizamo in it.”

Me: “So? He was in the Super Mario Brothers movie. He was good in that.”

The Mrs.: “I hate him.”

Me: “Why?”

The Mrs.: “No reason. I just do. Why do you hate Andie MacDowell?”

She had me there. I hate many people for a reason. I hate Kim Bassinger because she’s as stupid as a bag of marbles, and Angelina Jolie because she’s a home wrecking strumpet. Andie MacDowell, well, I just hate her. I liked her in Groundhog Day and in Hudson Hawk (one of the ways that The Mrs. and I knew we were made for each other was that we were the only two people in North America who liked Hudson Hawk). But, somehow, I just get the feeling that she wouldn’t fit in at the Wilder household. The Mrs. picked the best possible chink in my armor: someone I hated for no good reason.

So, we watched the movie. John Leguizamo was awesome in it. The Mrs. grudgingly agreed that he was, “not bad.”

So, tonight was the night. John Leguizamo was going to be carried to the stage in a dog sled. Governor Murkowski would likewise be brought to the stage. Together, they would cut a ribbon made of ice to officially open a kids’ play area made of ice.

Would Leguizamo turn zombie? Would our Governor? Would The Mrs. eat Leguizamo in a hate inspired cannibal frenzy? The answer Saturday in: Dawn of the Living Leguizamo.


Blogger The Mayor said...

I hate Catherine Zeta Whore for no good reason, so I feel ya!

7:19 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

The Boy is like a puzzle. We've seen his back, then his toes, now the upper half of his face. Is there some software we can use to "rebuild" him into a whole person?

By the way, stop insulting the wolf. He is my great great great grandfather.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just back from a long computerless trip so I am late catching up.


8:30 PM  
Blogger dogsled_stacie said...

Ha! These comments make me laugh as much as the post...

I agree. I can't stand Andie McDowell for no apparent reason either. Never liked her in anything though.

I do hate Catherine Zeta "Whore" for a reason - she's a pretentious beeeyatch!!

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys. After being married (and divorced) three times, I must be "in touch with the 'woman' in me", because I never miss a showing of Four Weddings and a Funeral, starring Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant.

In fact, I don't believe any of you. I know y'all wanna do her. Am I wrong? Nah, you know I'm right.

Don't worry, I won't tell your wives; but The Boy's dad might...

7:53 AM  
Blogger Dame Koldfoot said...

I hate Andie McDowell because when she was playing rancher in western Montana, she pretended to know how to rope and then called the locals a bunch of hicks on The David Letterman show. It was a ticker-tape parade day when she left.

Just sign me,
The Farthest North Redneck

1:01 PM  
Blogger John said...

I do, too. I think it has to do with that Douglas guy. Oh, and charging people invited to their wedding.

You can do that with MicroSoft 3-D PhotoImageSpy 2009. Bill Gates wants to see The Boy.

Now the wolf is a noble creature, but, unlike dogs, wild and not a little person in a fuzzy suit. My dogs are little people in fuzzy suits. With fangs.

Welcome back from the Amazon. Thank you!

See, this is where the fun is. Goofy bunch that we are . . .

(Marks down another anti-McDowell and anti-Zeta-Jones-Douglas)

See, I can watch the movies . . . but she seems so . . . fake.

Nah, I'd skip that one.

It seems that I've tapped into a groundswell of Andie McDowell hate. Now, how do we tell her?

By the way . . . we live slightly farther north, but given the near impossibility of getting a sunburn, I think we're icenecks. Major difference is less NASCAR, more snowmachines, way bigger guns. :)

12:27 PM  
Blogger brotherbill said...

I thought Leguizamo was something I fixed for dinner a few nights ago. It didn't set well either. I gotta get off this single man's curmudgeon diet. It's killin' me.

11:58 AM  
Blogger Duck Hunter said...

You know a lot of celebrity names. :)

I'm too scared to watch movies like that.

6:25 PM  
Blogger HP said...

Ok, here's my vote

Andi McDowell, ok in 4 weddings and a funeral, ok in GroundHog Day.
Has she ever been in anything else??

K Zeta Jones, total beeeyatch. Actually liked her in the piece of crap movie with Sean Connery. But of course, that was before she was Famous. Can't stand her in those cell phone tv commercials. If you look closely, she's not even with any of the other actors, she just superimposed on top of their scenes. (Ooohh, I'm getting angry, you won't like me when I'm angry)

Leguizamo, totally indifferent. Was he on In Living Color for a while?

6:27 PM  

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