Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Location: United States

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

“Lister, you left £17.50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you now own 98% of all the world's wealth.” – Holly, Red Dwarf


The Boy, bouncing on the trampoline. He's moving faster than the speed of light. Or the flash wasn't on. Pick one.

Me: “Are you happy because you’re jumping, or jumping because you’re happy?”
Bounce-Bounce-Bounce
The Boy: “Happy” Bounce “because I’m” Bounce “bouncing!”

I waited a minute or two.

Me: “Are you happy because you’re jumping, or jumping because you’re happy?”
Bounce-Bounce-Bounce
The Boy: “Bouncing” Bounce “because I’m” Bounce “happy!”

I guess it’s like Paris Hilton (tramp) and fame. People are interested in Paris Hilton (tramp) because she’s famous. But, she’s famous because people are interested in her. It’s a loop. Oh, and that video (tramp).

This story, though, starts twenty-six years in the past.

I was with my parents. My brother was safely away somewhere. I was dragged along with my parents to a dinner. The nice people fed us, and (I think) gave Mom and Dad a glass of wine or two. I don’t remember dinner as being all that great. Then the sales pitch hit. The nice family indicated that you could lose weight by doing nothing more than jumping on a trampoline. Mom (who was, umm, sturdy and low to the ground, you know, hard to push over) liked this idea. Plus, there was the wine. At the end of the evening they had ordered the trampoline shown above. They also got a book.

For this stunning piece of technology, they paid . . . $400. $400 American dollars. In 1980. I did the math, and had Dad invested this money in an IRA in 1980, he would have $2958.54, if he only made 8% on it. Inflation adjusted, that same $400 is worth . . . $983.01 American dollars today. Doesn’t that make you feel good about inflation?

By the way, bouncing won’t make you skinny, if you were wondering.

After Mom passed away (long time ago) I ended up with the trampoline. It’s made a journey all across the country, and now serves (primarily) as a winter entertainment device for The Boy. Despite our shortcomings as parents, even we aren’t heartless enough to send him out to play at -55ºF, but, being a boy, The Boy has to move around constantly to exorcise (exercise) the demons of youth from his tiny frame (as I write this he’s licking some plastic wrap to glean the remnants of the granulated sugar that once graced a scone – I promise, we feed him, but the motor requires constant fuel – now he’s downing Frosted Cheerios®).

Don’t worry. He’s skinny, and it doesn’t have much to do with the trampoline.

If you’re wondering about the ad below, I got a request from the film company that’s putting the movie out to put it up. (This really happened). It Waits is from Stephen Cannell. I know, I know, he did Knight Rider. But, he also did Baa, Baa Black Sheep. Plus, they’re going to send me a copy of the film on DVD. Like I keep telling the world . . . I can be bought . . . do you hear that, John Deere, Husqvarna?

7 Comments:

Anonymous Oz. said...

Hmmm... I always wondered where that tramp originated... (Not really, but it's nice to see some things don't change much.)

Glad to see it's getting use though.

9:15 PM  
Blogger Duck Hunter said...

Sometimes when a celebrity initiates a "commercial", the company will pay them. If Oprah talks about Crest toothpaste. They will send her all kinds of free stuff. Maybe you need a post about your awesome Husqvarna Rancher55 chainsaw! Man those things never die!

6:03 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but Fairbanks was the subject of City Confidential down here in sunny California last night.

Murder!

Intrigue!

A really lengthy and unnecessary bit about the goldrush of 1902!

Not that I watch City Confidential. My wife watches it while I work (play games) on the computer. I just listen out for absurd metaphors.

6:38 AM  
Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

Great photo btw.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

If the ad company pays you a penny for every blog visitor, you'd be rich. You have over 130 thousand readers, remember? I feel so... so used.

8:43 PM  
Blogger HP said...

$400????

Wow, do you remember how much VCR's used to cost?

And they never claimed watching movies or tv's would make you thin. My grandparents still have the Original VCR. I'm not sure they ever used it past 1981.

Oh yeah, they also have the Health Rider, the Gazelle, the Set it and Forget It, The Abdominizer, the Exercise Inversion Table and the Perfect Pancake Maker.

They're skinny, too. That just comes naturally though

9:12 AM  
Blogger John said...

oz,
See, now that is a perfect comment, since it refers so well to the trampoline and the tramp mentioned above.

Yeah, both are getting used.

duck hunter,
See, if I had a Husqvarna Rancher55, you know, to try, I could write all sorts of nice things about it to my listeners. I'm sure I would write those nice things for years and years . . . . (cough, cough)

michael,
The Mrs. used to watch that, pre-DVR. Now, not so much. Couldn't you do a city confidential about any city? I think so. But by the same token, I think that C.S.I. Fairbanks would start out with . . . "You been drinkin' again, right?"

shawn,
Thanks! I took about a dozen before I got the one I wanted. Fortunately I had a willing subject.

woof,
Nah, just a free copy of a movie that's going straight to video. Maybe it'll be on the Sci-Fi channel. Now, if I could get that penny, I would so be a thousandaire . . . .

hp,
Yup. And they were size of Buicks.

I'm betting the LED is still blinking a nice 12:00 --:-- 12:00 --:--.

See, the combination of a credit card, a phone, and an infomercial is a potent one.

(My Mom also spent money on those strings you tied to a doorknob and you could lie on the floor and move your arms and legs with your hands and feet in the stirrups. That didn't work, either)

9:53 AM  

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