Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

"Rick, I want Debbie. You dump her and I'll give you cash, ten thousand dollars, plus a GE toaster oven." - Cole, Bachelor Party


The Boy plots his capitalist rise to power, by first bulldozing a church and then putting in his personal brand of pizza restaurants. Picture Credit - The Boy.

The Boy and I were stuck inside working the other day. It was rainy outside, so I decided it was time to replace all the caulk in the house. Thus ends the Alaska content of this post – it was raining up here the other day.

Not really. I just picked the Master Bathroom (if you don’t know if you have a Master Bathroom, see if any of your bathrooms wants to invade Poland, then that's the Master Bathroom) tub. I didn’t do this at random, though heaven knows The Mrs. has come home a time or two and found me elbow deep in drywall that had once been a solid wall, just because I didn’t like the way it looked. In this case, I didn’t like the way the caulk looked. Some moron (name of John) put the stuff in, and it looks like an army of fifth graders mashed the stuff in with Popsicle® sticks.

Caulk is sticky stuff, and I’m guessing that they made it that way so that it would stick to things, like bathtubs. The Boy and I jumped in the tub and started ripping it out. The Boy was surprisingly helpful – I’m guessing the inherently destructive nature of the task is well-suited to the way a five-year-old brain works. He did a good job.

I used the knife. I cut, pulled, and cajoled the clingy stuff away from the tub’s glistening ceramic surface. I had used a silicon caulk, so that made the job that much harder. I had a new tube of GE silicon caulk ready to replace the crappy install job I’d done last year.

What I didn’t expect was the conversation that followed.

The Boy, excitement in his voice: “Hey, this silicon caulk is made by GE. They made our TV!”

John Wilder, attempting not to cut his fingers off: “Yup.”

The Boy: “They made our phone, too!”

John Wilder: “Yup.”

The Boy: “They make light bulbs.”

John Wilder: “Yup.”

The Boy: “Do they make . . . pizzas? (no) radios? (yes) stoves? (yes) electric ones? (yes) carpet (I don’t think so) caulk? (yes) microwaves? (maybe, but I don’t remember one) refrigerators? (yes) pizzas? (you already asked that) laptops? (no) paint? (I don’t think so) shoes? (no)” and on, and on, and on. We talked about the things GE makes for about an hour. This was not as annoying as it might sound, but it was nerdy as all hell.

The Boy finally figured out that GE made a lot of things that we own. He demanded to go to their website and see the things they make (this was – I swear – his idea). He and I were both impressed, and to his delight and surprise he found that GE owned NBC. NBC owns the SciFi Channel. The SciFi Channel puts out his favorite show, Ghosthunters. The Boy loves GE. GE, however, is in a dead heat with Sony. He won’t pick a favorite company between the two, but I think he was going to analyze their various business plans, and invest his Superman™ piggy-bank savings in one of them.

As he walked down the hall, I could hear him muttering, “What would legendary GE CEO Jack Welch do? I think he would get rid of the lowest 10% of performers in the house. Is that The New Boy, or is it Dad?”

11 Comments:

Blogger Joann said...

Oh my, I wish my boy was 5 again.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

How funny! You've got quite a character there, trying to decide who to eliminate.

Side note - GE makes the turbines that my husband works on at GVEA, too. They have their hands in lots of pies.

11:23 PM  
Blogger JohnCub said...

You totally missed the comic potential of that post John. Caulk. Take the wife caulk shopping at home despot. Pretend you are partially deaf and have to raise your voice to an almost yell. Ask her what type of caulk she needs. Ask her if she has enough caulk on hand. Ask her to see if caulk comes in different sizes or colors.

This will win her heart.

I know this from personal experience.

...ok, maybe not "win her heart" so much as put her in a quiet rage that will come to a peak the moment all of the vehicle doors are closed.

3:22 AM  
Blogger Duck Hunter said...

I was oh so close to actually going to the GE website myself. Inspired by your writing. But I resisted.

6:21 AM  
Blogger Jane said...

He'll have franchised you by the time he is 8. ;-)

2:21 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

The Boy has gone all "digital" on us. On Sunday we saw a finger. Today we see five toes.

8:33 PM  
Blogger DogMa said...

I think you might be the best dad in the world.

Love the picture by the way!

10:36 PM  
Blogger the Witch said...

Lucky for the new boy that GE culture is notorious for carrying slackers.... all the way into cushy retirement.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous CWH said...

Being a grandchild of 2 GE engineers, most of my Xmas (I wish I knew how to add the Trademark logo here) gifts were stock, so I have been updated on everything they make. But really, should I buy a toaster just because it polluted a river in NJ (or did it clean the river?)?

And after seeing Dogma's post, I suspect her real name is "The Mrs. and no longer consider her an impartial "poster". Just so you know,

9:12 PM  
Blogger JohnCub said...

re: (I wish I knew how to add the Trademark logo here)

Here's a fun tip for the masses.
Press and hold the alt key on your keyboard. On your keypad type (while holding the alt key) 0153

Release the alt key and voila,
Other fun combinations:
° 0176
¢ 0162 (I have no idea why that isn't on a keyboard)
Þ 0122 much cooler tongue :Þ

2:44 AM  
Blogger John said...

joann,
It's a blast. But the questions! It's like living on the set of Jeopardy.

erin,
GE makes everything, especially if you listen to The Boy. I think he's upset they don't have a brand of cars.

johncub,
Um, that (actually) happened, though she was talking to me on her cell phone, so she was talking loudly about caulk while alone.

Comedy gold.

duck hunter,
The site is nice. They make diamonds, too.

And darn near everything else.

jane,
Probably! But I think I'm gonna miss the downsize. Or was that "rightsize" that he keeps talking about?

woof,
Har!

dogma,
Not the best Dad in the world, though I play him on the Internet.

the witch,
Ohhh, that sounds good. Maybe he'll give me a pension!

cwh,
I think the toaster both cleaned and polluted the river. Though I don't know in what order.

The Mrs. is firmly The Mrs. Dogma's a friend from down south. Which includes nearly everyplace.

johncub,
Gracias! I just cut and paste.

6:49 PM  

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