"I've got the fastest horse, the prettiest sister, the surest rifle and the ugliest dog in Texas." - Davy Crockett, Davy Crockett

Nolan Ryan, that guy from all of the commercials, is from Texas.

A Brief History of Texas, From The Point of View of Texans

On November 6, 1528, shipwrecked Spanish conquistador Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca washed up on the beach of Texas. On the spot, he claimed Texas for Spain, then promptly left and got lost somewhere else, which you might expect from someone whose last name means “Head of a Cow.” Spain proceeded to forget about Texas for about three hundred years. Later when rummaging around in its attic, looking for an old Tom Petty album, Spain found the deed to Texas and shipped it off to Mexico in exchange for a weekend at Cabo and a round of Margaritas.

In 1835 the President of Mexico, Antonio López de Santa Anna, forgot the cardinal rule of “Don’t Mess with Texas.” Santa Anna tried to take the guns of the Texans away (a big no-no), ended NASCAR on television and fired Tom Landry from the Cowboys®. The inevitable march of Texas independence was launched.

In late February of 1836, the Battle of the Alamo ended with three Texans holding off 16,254,000 Soviet troops and a battalion of Swedish Girl Scouts®, and won a decisive victory. In March, 1836 Texans declared that Santa Anna was “not the real Santa.” On April 21, 1836 Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of San Jacinto, after engaging in personal combat with pointy sticks, and a series of games of Scrabble®. Houston won two out of three Scrabble® games (mainly by using a ‘J’ twice on a triple letter score), but history does not record how good a pointy-stick fighter he was, though it was reported in later years he squinted a whole lot.

In less than fifty days from opening a can of whoop-hiney on Santa Anna, the Texans were independent, had discovered oil, built the Johnson Space Center, and had recovered the Lost Ark of the Covenant.

Feeling neighborly to the smaller country to the east, Texas formally annexed the United States in 1845, with the United States adopting a version of the Texas Lone Star flag that has way too many stars and stripes.

In 1941, Texas declared war on Japan and Germany, and essentially single-handedly kicked their butts, with Texans “Ike” Eisenhower and Audie Murphy finishing off the Second World War in three or so weeks.

The current Governor of Texas is Rick Perry, brother to Steve Perry, former lead singer for Journey.

Famous Texans:

• Moses
• Nolan Ryan
• Richard The Lionhearted
• ZZ Top
• The Joplin Brothers, Scott and Janis
• Winston Churchill
• Roger Staubach
• Jack Bauer
  

I kid. There’s more state pride in Texas in most states half its size. And most are half its size, or less (‘cept Alaska, which Texans often conveniently forget about).