To Healy and Back Again

We talked last week and decided a trip to Denali was in order, since Grandmama would be returning home to the flat plains the following week. We saw the roadhouse pictured above on our way towards Denali. "World Famous Skinny Dick'’s Halfway Inn."” If you click on the picture, you can see the sign says that Skinny Dick'’s is a bra and panty optional restaurant/bar. That'’s nice, since I had left my bra at home that day. Makes me feel so free.

Grandmama had been helping around the house, since The Mrs. wasn't feeling up to full throttle, having just had the baby and all. Weakling.

Babies are perhaps the best parent-bait if you want them to visit, which we do. Grandmama had been with The New Boy continually since he broke out of the hospital through an act of sheer will. Okay, the non-Ayn Randian version is they told us it was time to go since our insurance company claimed that they were "“just out of money."” The Mrs. and I were even accompanied down to the front door of the hospital by a 5'’2"” nurse. She said it was because they had some sort of abduction-stopping procedure. Umm, I was a foot taller than her, and certainly 100 American pounds heavier, so, in an abduction attempt I'’m not sure what she would have done. Faint? I think she was there to make sure that we didn’t take a heart monitor or some silverware home. I fooled her - we took that stuff earlier.

I digress. We decided we were going down to Denali, so, we went.

Bad Idea: Attempting to drive Grandmama to see a mountain on a cloudy day. Contrary to popular belief, one cannot see scenery hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. The picture above is about the only mountain you could see from Healy, unless your vision encompasses the x-ray spectrum. If your vision does encompass that spectrum, Denali is the tall one, and stop staring at that waitress, you cad.

Worse Idea: Driving 90% of the way before giving up. We got to Healy, which is most of the way from Fairbanks to Denali Park. The Boy, having remembered our previous trip, announced he was hungry and wanted to stop for food. The funny part is that this was about two miles before Healy, and there were no real signs that an inhabited part of Alaska was coming up -– I think he just remembered about when we ate the last time were through. We stopped at the Totem Inn again. We did see the mountain shown above, and found out that the Totem Inn is still hiring. The business there wasn'’t brisk when we were there, but you could see the signs that it would be changing, and soon. They have the tourist menus out now, and soup at the Totem Inn is $75.21 a bowl.

The tracked snow vehicle shown below was in the front parking area, and is for sale. It looks like it was made for the Korean War, and may even run. The owner wants a mere (not making this up) $7500 for it. Not pictured is a 1974 Toyota Frankenlandcruiser, parked next to the snow vehicle. It looked to have been made from the parts of about 7 other Landcruisers, and had a flat tire. Yours for only $2500.

Worst Idea: Taking an obsessed 4 year old with you. The Boy talked non-stop between Fairbanks and Healy and back again. Non-stop.

"“Where's Denali?"”

"“You can't see it."”

Repeat 7,255 times.

"”Where'’s Denali?"”

"“You can't see it."”

And, we didn't that day.

When Grandmama flew out, though, the sky was a deep blue, not a cloud visible. You could see Denali crisp and clear from the ground in Fairbanks, so I'’m in hopes that she got to see it from the air.

Given her previous luck, though, my guess is that she was on the other side of the plane when they flew by Denali.