Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"Hey! Hey, I noticed you moved. You guys must've got kicked out of uh, Gizmonic Institute for shooting us into space like this, I bet." - Joel, MST3K


What, really, do you expect in Alaska? Well, you can start with people with guns. If you're the kind of person who starts to sweat when someone mentions the word gun (like, if you're Canadian, or from Australia - you know, one of the failed colonies) then Alaska will make you sweat. A lot.

Listen, the above mailbox may be mended with more duct tape than a mailbox is actually worth, but, hey, you know, the guy who owns it had the tape, and he'd have had to bought the mailbox . . . .

Behind the mailbox sign (not pictured, but I can be bribed to go back and take a picture) are two signs:

"No Trespassing"
"Warning: Traps on Property."

So, whoever duct-tape-mailbox-fixing-guy is, I would expect he likes privacy. This would not be obvious since he also has a piece of corrugated metal with his house number spray-painted in letters three feet high, but, I'm getting the message he doesn't want me to attempt to sell him Avon. (Ding-dong, Avon Calling, can you help me get this badger trap off of my ankle? [Digression-I have no idea if one traps badgers, but I can bet that would be a better way to get them in your house than sending them invitations to some fake celebrity wedding you threw]).

Alaska is like that.

Alaska is also where you'd expect the following sign:



Dammit, if Ted Nugent, author of "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" wants me to have a gun, not only will I have one (or a dozen), but I will clean up a highway to help his sweaty self out. I like Ted Nugent. I did not know this organization exists, and am not a likely member. But, if there are places that a bunch of rock and roll lovers are going to clean a highway to support hunting, this is one of them. (A minor digression: Fairbanks really does have a pretty good rock station, which features very few synthesizers. Rock on.)



Hey, even up here there are protesters. I like this protest sign: "End No Shooting Zone." I, personally, am in favor of ending all no shooting zones. Well, most of them, at least. This actually refers to a state law that bans you from shooting within 1/4 mile of a developed area in a public forest. This does not apply to my next-door-neighbor, who continually shoots one shot at something.

Just one shot. Not a dozen, like he's sighting in a rifle.

Just.
One.

I have no idea.



But, Alaskans like rules. See this sign, telling you where you can shoot? Yeah, Alaska's like that, too. Alaskans seem to like rules. So they can ignore them.

I like that, too.

5 Comments:

Blogger Woofwoof said...

That mailbox looks like a giant "roach motel" with enough sticky tape to keep the critters from escaping.

8:51 PM  
Blogger the Witch said...

You had been serious about the duct tape & guns....

I'm amused with a dash of frightened.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous Dave said...

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I am Canadian. A world without guns is a world that I refuse to live in. In fact the .50 caliber ban in California is one reason to move to Fairbanks. Sweat my ass. I sweat when I cannot fire 1000 rounds downrange at a moose. Funny as usual John.

7:02 PM  
Blogger John said...

woof,
Yeah. I'm still puzzled. Maybe duct tape has some super-property I'm just not aware of . . . maybe it auto-pays bills out of a Home Depot account . . .

witch,
Yeah. It really is like that, but it's not scary. At this writing, I've been shot zero times, and only been injured by the tape once.

dave,
Not too bad of a hard time to the Canadians. I like them, (Bob and Doug were my IDOLS when I was ten). Geddy Lee still rocks. Yeah, I was talking with a buddy who was thinking of moving to California from Colorado. Mentioned that half of his arsenal would be illegal. I think he's rethinking. Plus, you know, housing.

2:11 AM  
Blogger . said...

Guns and duct tape, the two essential ingredients of joy.

My family would be proud.

6:49 AM  

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