Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Sunday, August 21, 2005

"Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?" - Pauly "What the Hell was he talking about?" Shore



Above is a biologically accurate rendition of how bears actually get salmon. You can click on it for a larger version, but I can't see why you'd want to.

So, there's a new movie out about Alaska. It's called "Grizzly Man." In this movie, an amatuer amature incompetent naturalist named Timothy Treadwell spent summers in Alaska protecting bears. As you might guess, the movie doesn't end well. Spoiler Alert - They eat him.

I'm not sure that I understand the thinking (or lack thereof) of the pretend ursine biologist. What, exactly was he attempting to do? Save bears? They have claws, teeth, rippling muscles, and in most situations are quite capable of saving themselves. They certainly saved parts of him, for later snacking. These bears were also in a Federal preserve, so in theory we could send in Stealth fighters and Blackhawk helicopters to protect the fuzzy bears.

The other thing that Treadwell did was to teach the bears he encountered that being close to humans was not a threatening thing. Most grizzly bears just want to get away from people, but he taught a group of them that humans were okay, and heck, in a pinch they make a tasty pre-hibernation snack. I for one hope that bears are more frightened of me, than I of them. That's a good equation that keeps both of us alive.

I recommend all who think that bears are cute and fuzzy critters and have a Disney view of the world to watch this movie and emulate the indicated guy.

My plan is simple:
  • You feed the bears.
  • The bears then don't eat moose.
  • I then get a moose.
  • I then eat a moose.
Think of this as taking one for the team. Specifically, my team.

On a side note: I was recently puzzled when I read that they were considering removal of the "threatened" tag at Yellowstone that currently applies to grizzly bears. If they need bears in Wyoming, they can certainly have some of ours. Up here, they're numerous enough to get group discounts when they go ice skating.

Threatening? Yes. Threatened? No.

So, then, I realized that the "Endangered" tag could apply to a species that is numerous someplace, but not so numerous another. I, for one, am in favor of the reintroduction of grizzly bears and mountain lions to D.C. Those critters used to live there too, right? I'm also for the reintroduction of wolves into Pauly Shore's house. For the entertainment value. And for the fact that no one over the age of twelve should be called "Pauly."

13 Comments:

Blogger . said...

They eat him? Grizzly indeed.
Now where can I rent this movie?

7:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What always surprised me about Treadwell was that it took, what?, 15 years of doing what he did before a bear ate him. I think the bears showed remarkable restraint. Kestrel.

4:44 AM  
Blogger GreyGuy said...

>> I, for one, am in favor of the reintroduction of grizzly bears and mountain lions to D.C.

That's nice, but what so you think of the plan to "re"-introduce cheetahs, lions, and elephants to the North American ecosystem. I am not making this up!

5:22 AM  
Blogger babbling brook said...

Excellent post John, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I am going to see the movie tonight. Perhaps he thought he was Siegfried & Roy's long lost lovechild looking for some circus bears of his own. And I agree, please reintroduce smart/opportune predators onto DC and Pauly...throw in Carrot Top as well.

5:49 AM  
Blogger little gwion said...

Does moose taste good? And does anybody eat bears?

8:41 AM  
Blogger John said...

Brock,
Not out on DVD yet - just hit the theaters in limited release. If you're adventure-minded, you could follow some tenderfeet up into the hills . . .

Anon,
Yeah. I'm amazed, too. I worry about the bears that he turned to people-likers.

bonhomme,
I heard about that. Again, put them in the right places. brook suggests Carrot Top's place. These would be great props for his routine.

brook,
Thanks! Agreed. And if we could make Matt Damon's place a preserve as well . . .

l. g.
Moose=good eating.
Bear (black)=good eating.
Grizzly=a little tough.

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for putting up this blog - I love it..btw: Women's
Diesel Shoes
rock!

8:20 PM  
Blogger John said...

Anon,
Sorry 'bout the shoe fetish. Seek help.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:00 PM  
Blogger GreyGuy said...

The latter few Anonymouses are really comment spam. Believe me, I was responding to this robot too until I figured it out. Visiting their sites invites spyware. The best way to avoid this is to enable word verification in your comments settings.

7:09 AM  
Blogger Aaron the Truck Driver said...

If we just trim their claws a little..

trim their claws and give them big shovels to thump their prey with.

And a bear sized collapsible spork to eat with.. and a thermos.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Ben said...

incompetent naturalist named Timothy Treadwell spent summers in Alaska protecting bears.
My incompetent self brain changed naturalist for naturist whilst scanning past that sentence.

Why would you get nekkid around big grisly bears? That's just begging for all sorts of mishaps.

But then I got confused, and read it properly.
This is a pointless comment, damnit.

11:11 AM  
Blogger John said...

bonhomme,
knew those were 'bots at work, but the spyware angle was new. it just amused me to comment back. word verification: ON!

aaron,
welcome back. actually, grizzly might be nicer than some politicians . . .

ben,
nekkid=hot tub!
pointless, sure, but fun. Thanks for the comments!

7:11 PM  

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