"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth," Col. Jack Friggin' Nicholson

Above is (yet) another picture of Denali. It's on the right. The mountain on the left is Mt. movingnorth.blogspot.com, named after I purchased the naming rights. I think that Denali (McKinley, if you're from Ohio) will soon be changed to "Campbell's Cup of Soup Mountain." Regardless, if you click on it, it will get bigger.

So, my burning question this week is:

Do I look like Dear Alaskan Abby? I mean, really, if you look at the picture, it's a friggin' moose. When was the last time you asked a moose for advice? Nevertheless, I get questions. I mean, moose cheese is understandable, but I got the following letter this week (note the care I've taken to remove all traces of identity):

My wife DOMESTIC PARTNER and I are seriously thinking about moving to Alaska from INSERT WEST COAST STATE HERE (for lots of reasons). My only real concern is that my wife DOMESTIC PARTNER, who is English FROM SOME COUNTRY WHERE THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, will go nuts. I grew up in the Canada SOME COUNTRY NORTH OF THE US so I think I can handle it. Do you have any advice/input etc regarding how she might handle it? I only ask because everything I read says the men do well but the wives go squirrelly. What do you think? Thanks, Dave SOME RANDOM NAME.

Again, do I look like Dear Abby?

So, Dave SOME RANDOM NAME, you've opened a whole can of worms, here. It's an interesting question: is Alaska so tough that it turns women into furry. tree-dwelling, nut-gathering, rodents?

In the case of The Mrs., no, she has not turned at all . I will also state, swearing on a stack of my unsold novels, that I have never once viewed the transmogrification of a female human into either sex of any genus of squirrel. Note I am ONLY referring to squirrels here. Maybe I saw a were-moose. I'm not saying.

If the question is: will wives who move to Alaska become somewhat irrational (irrational=not agreeing with husband)? Then, the answer is absolutely. As near as I can figure it, we here in Alaska have absolutely no regional monopoly on irrational wife behavior. But, as referenced numerous times here, wives who agree to move up here are generally more able to kick your butt silly. And, many of them are armed.

In reality, I sent Dave SOME RANDOM NAME actual information about life up here in the 49th. He sent a reply. I was enjoying reading the reply, when my blood ran cold:

"Great, thanks for the advice, I'm sure Alaska needs another attorney . . ."

Could you hear my scream in Anchorage??