Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Thursday, August 04, 2005

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth," Col. Jack Friggin' Nicholson



Above is (yet) another picture of Denali. It's on the right. The mountain on the left is Mt. movingnorth.blogspot.com, named after I purchased the naming rights. I think that Denali (McKinley, if you're from Ohio) will soon be changed to "Campbell's Cup of Soup Mountain." Regardless, if you click on it, it will get bigger.

So, my burning question this week is:

Do I look like Dear Alaskan Abby? I mean, really, if you look at the picture, it's a friggin' moose. When was the last time you asked a moose for advice? Nevertheless, I get questions. I mean, moose cheese is understandable, but I got the following letter this week (note the care I've taken to remove all traces of identity):
My wife DOMESTIC PARTNER and I are seriously thinking about moving to Alaska from INSERT WEST COAST STATE HERE (for lots of reasons). My only real concern is that my wife DOMESTIC PARTNER, who is English FROM SOME COUNTRY WHERE THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, will go nuts. I grew up in the Canada SOME COUNTRY NORTH OF THE US so I think I can handle it. Do you have any advice/input etc regarding how she might handle it? I only ask because everything I read says the men do well but the wives go squirrelly. What do you think? Thanks, Dave SOME RANDOM NAME.

Again, do I
look like Dear Abby?

So, Dave SOME RANDOM NAME, you've opened a whole can of worms, here. It's an interesting question: is Alaska so tough that it turns women into furry. tree-dwelling, nut-gathering, rodents?

In the case of The Mrs., no, she has not turned at all . I will also state, swearing on a stack of my unsold novels, that I have never once viewed the transmogrification of a female human into either sex of any genus of squirrel. Note I am ONLY referring to squirrels here. Maybe I saw a were-moose. I'm not saying.

If the question is: will wives who move to Alaska become somewhat irrational (irrational=not agreeing with husband)? Then, the answer is
absolutely. As near as I can figure it, we here in Alaska have absolutely no regional monopoly on irrational wife behavior. But, as referenced numerous times here, wives who agree to move up here are generally more able to kick your butt silly. And, many of them are armed.

In reality, I sent Dave SOME RANDOM NAME actual information about life up here in the 49th. He sent a reply. I was enjoying reading the reply, when my blood ran cold:

"Great, thanks for the advice, I'm sure Alaska needs another attorney . . ."

Could you hear my scream in Anchorage??

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome Blog! I added you to my bookmarks. Feel free to check out my Playstation 3 Blog anytime!

1:16 PM  
Blogger Christopher Trottier said...

That's a beautiful pic you have up top.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

You know, I did hear something that sounded like a "not another lawyer" scream down here in ANC...

3:14 PM  
Anonymous "Dave" said...

I may be a lawyer but I am unlike any attorney you will ever meet. I defend the poor in order to buy guns, whiskey, horses, cattle and hunting trips. I think I will do well in Alaska.

P.S. This is Dave's English Mrs. writing. I am excited about Alaska and I already kick his butt but know I get to be armed.....

5:51 PM  
Blogger the Witch said...

An attorney? On behalf of the lower 48, thanks for taking this one off our hands.

PS - I often ask moose for advice.

7:53 PM  
Blogger Garry said...

This women-kicking-arses motif. It seems to be a feature of Alaskan life.

1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I check your blog every freakin day. It is so dang funny. Blog more wouldja?

11:24 AM  
Blogger John said...

Anon,
Thanks!

Christopher,
Gracias. It's amazing what you can do when you're jet-setting around the country. Wait 'til next week. Good stuff coming next weekend.

Lori,
I heard the echo, not sure how far it went. Nice pictures on your site!

"dave",
Ohhh, goodie. I think Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be the name of a 7-11 type place. Open 24 hours. If they card you, and you're old enough, you GET IT FREE!

Dave's English Mrs.,
You go! I can see the bumper sticker already!

Witch,
This one looks like a potential keeper. We'll have to see - will he buy me a beer??

P.S. - I've never seen a priest in a bikini, mainly just speedos.

Garry,
I have the bruises to prove it. Just kidding (SHE MADE ME SAY THAT). Actually, the local paper has many different weekly notes about ladies putting the smack-down on their partners.

Anonymous,
Thank you, kind sir. If'n my bosses (home and job) would only see it your way . . . I know most bloggers subsist on the incomes provided by blogging alone, but The Mrs., The Boy, and The New Boy have developed this eating habit . . . but, thank you. That's a great comment.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

Weird. I thought that your blog was designed to keep people out of Alaska, not attract people to Alaska. Maybe attorneys get everything backwards.

6:06 AM  
Blogger Lilo said...

outstanding blog! just stumbled on it. even blind squirrels get a nut once in a while. keep it coming...

1:00 PM  
Blogger Lilo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:01 PM  

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