Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

"Nothing is impossible, Mario. Improbable, unlikely, but never impossible." - John Leguizamo as Luigi, Super Mario Brothers


Yeah, that's the best picture I got of John Leguizamo and Governor Murkowski. You get a better one holding your camera up in the air at the back of a crowd, with the zoom on full. At night.

In a daring move, I bypassed the main crowd, and took us toward the site where John Leguizamo and Governor Murkowski would be cutting the ribbon on the Children’s Park. We finally got there, and found the remnants of Fairbanks that weren’t still standing in line to get in. We couldn’t get close enough to decently photograph John Leguizamo, let alone hobnob with him.

John Leguizamo acquitted himself wonderfully. He noted that “Fairbanks is so very, very much colder and more beautiful than he’d expected,” and that “John Wilder and his writings have changed my life. All hail John Wilder, future Nobel and MacArthur prize winner!” The crowd roared.

Okay, I’m doing that from memory, so it may not be exact. Of course, he I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going to come up here and say, “Dang, this place is hella cold, and I’m outta here. Keep your damn ice.” That would have been poor form. After his speech, he and the Governor took huge propane torches (really) and melted an ice ribbon. Everyone else left, and we walked down toward the commotion. We got within a dozen or so feet of John Leguizamo while he gave an interview at zero degrees. Fahrenheit zero, not Communist zero.

We wandered off, and saw more glorious ice sculptures. Some eighteen feet high. Wondrous things. After a bit of walking in the cold, we decided to get some coffee and cocoa. That’s when more trouble started.

It seems that John Leguizamo was giving an interview in the very building that had the coffee. It was like Ringo and Paul McCartney were there doing a nude photo shoot with underage Smurfs (sorry, that would be Pete Townsend). The place was packed by star gawkers looking to get up close and personal with John Leguizamo. My own thought was that these people were between me and my coffee. There are three places you don’t want to be in this world:
  • Between Paris Hilton and a camera
  • Between me and my coffee
  • Between me and my beer
I formed a single-man flying wedge and got The Mrs. and Stroller Boy (The New Boy) and The Boy inside though the clutches of poster and DVD and pen holding people salivating for John Leguizamo to finish his interview. I swear, if he would have come out toward them, they would ripped off his clothes. Then, perhaps they would have treated him like the cannibal zombies in Land of the Dead, except that he would be happy for the end, because then he wouldn’t be cold anymore.

I got my damn coffee.

As I poured the piping hot caffeinated love down my throat, the crowd began to disburse. It seems that Leguizamo, like Elvis, had left the building. I could hear a distant communal scream as he made his way to his waiting car.

The Mrs., The New Boy, The Boy and I made our way around the ice park. It seemed so desolate after John Leguizamo left. Like an empty husk. Actually, it was still crammed with people, and a good time. The Boy announced his intention to void his bladder, appropriate receptacle available or not. Given that he was trussed up in snowpants and jacket and seventeen layers of clothing, he requested I help him.

I did. After holding hat, gloves, jacket, and sweat jacket, he finally got ready to pee (none of this was as easy as it sounds – this was a porta-potty). As he did, I noticed that his baseball jersey had a friend. He’d worn a clip-on, little boy tie. Well, if you’re going to see the Governor and John Leguizamo, I guess you’d want to dress up a bit.

After getting him trussed back up in his winter clothes, The Boy slid on the slides. We got tired and went home. A good night had by all.

On the way home I asked The Mrs., “What do you think of Leguizamo now?”

Her response, “Well,” long pause, “he’s okay.”

So, John Leguizamo, you made a bunch of people in Fairbanks happy. You made a bunch of people scream like Ringo did in 1962. And, you got yourself on the good side of The Mrs. Trust me. You want to be on the good side of The Mrs.

By the way, I’ve been noting all the hits from Beverly Hills. That’s gotta be you, John. Do you think we could work Life in Alaska into a project? I would so be up for that. Especially if we could do zombies.

10 Comments:

Blogger Al said...

Concerning the photo, I know the Boy is taking an interest in photography, is this one of his creations? Believe it or not, I saw the same photo here: http://www.susanstevenson.com/Journal/2006/March/391JohnLeguizamoFairbanksIce

Now that John L. has come and gone, what is the next big thing for Fairbanks? I mean after they welcome you as a Nobel and MacArthur prize winner?

As for me, I'm still waiting for the Baltimore Orioles to call.

7:05 PM  
Blogger HP said...

Are you sure your middle name isn't Leguizamo?

(the word verification ends in "ice". Another coincidence or no?)

6:39 AM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

Waaaaahhhh, I want to do zombies. How come you get more celeb visitors than we do? Our celebs (including the Guv'nor) are usually out in some other state, or some other country.

8:14 PM  
Blogger John said...

al,
Actually, Susan Stevenson and I must do a Star Trek-style duel to the death (you know, when Kirk and Spock fought over that skanky Vulcan chick) over who may show the photo. Nothing unusual, there, just a Fairbanks thing.

Actually, her photo is better. But I'm taller.

Next big thing for Fairbanks (and thank you for the MacArthur and Nobel mention - my day is coming!) will likely be Patrick Duffy doing his impersonation of Janice Joplin in our annual "Dead Celebrity Daze." See, it's not funny if you don't spell 'Days' as "Daze."

al, your day is coming, soon. I'd bet my Nobel on it.

hp,
Hmmm, perhaps there was something that Mother didn't tell me.

Actually, they were playing "Ice, Ice, Baby" after the dedication speeches. I think that made Vanilla Ice enough money to afford, oh, Coke instead of generic soda.

woof,
Zombies rock. And Leguizamo was a good one.

See, your celebrities are only news in California if they kill someone or go to rehab. You can see them everyday in your 7-11's buying Twinkies and body lotion and Pez and pantyhose and elephant rides. Or whatever celebrities buy at 7-11.

8:32 PM  
Blogger dieselfire said...

Hi John. You've won the competition on my blog! Congratulations! How'd you like your credits ? BE or BM ?

8:48 PM  
Anonymous Just My WWW said...

Susan's photos stomp us all :-( She's my photography idol, LOL.

We were not brave enough to try to get to the ceremony, or perhaps not crazy enough, I'm not sure which.

I'm curious about all the cops, had to be cuz the Gov was in town, I've not seen more than 5 in the two years we've lived here, LOL. Next time you lose something of the Mrs., blame the cat! (And then check under the beds)

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Hobart said...

Leguizamo for President!

Great post. The "one man flying wedge" was priceless.

4:40 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I used to have a huge crush on John Leguizamo, but then I saw The Pest and also that movie where he played a fat clown. Then I just thought he was creepy. But I still envy your fleeting proximity and your Sasquatch-esque photography of the man, the legend.

7:59 PM  
Blogger John said...

dieselfire,
I'll come by and negotiate!

just my www,
Yeah, cops are scarce out here in the boonies, and when you see them, they're generally helping someone. Which is nice . . .

hobart,
Thanks! I'm working on the "two man flying wedge," but The Boy only grows so fast.

8:05 PM  
Blogger John said...

jill,
You snuck in when I was in compose mode! Sasquatch-like! I LOVE it!!!

8:29 PM  

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