Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Location: United States

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Here's looking at you, kid." -Bogey, Casablanca


The Boy steadfastly refuses to tell me how he took this picture of himself. Seriously. He won’t tell me. Ungrateful wretch.

In the interest of being lazy, I thought I’d put up some bizarre statistics about this site, a mirror back your direction. I know that Myspace has now narrowed the lead in number of daily hits that I have over it, but it only has 93,000,000 teenage users, or, my guess, 52 teenage users and 92,999,948 middle-aged men pretending to be teenage users. OMG, LOL, mYsPaZe rUlZ!

Ahem.

One popular search that (mis)leads people to the site is “life in alaska,” which I guess makes sense, given that is what the site is ostensibly about.

What surprises me is that there are a huge number of Alaskans that visit. You’d a thunk that they’d have figured out what life in Alaska is like. 89.54% of the visitors here are American. 33.51% of the Americans are . . . Alaskan.

Huh?

Not what I would have expected, but I’m still flattered.

Californians are next on the list at 23.12%. That makes sense to me – Alaska might be considered the anti-California (at least as far as regulations go). Opposites attract. If you come to stay, please leave the homeowners’ associations down there. Please.

New Jersey is pretty high on the list, too, and all I have to say is, “I love you, too, Princeton!” Keep banging the atoms around, even if you have to report your results in metric! The English unit of mass is, seriously, the “slug”, which would make me want to do physics in metric, too.

Some search terms are interrogative in nature. I’ll attempt to help:
  • What does "getting wood" mean? -What are you, twelve?
  • What is effing degrees? -Come on up in January. You’ll see. As in –55 effing degrees.
  • Does anyone live in Alaska? -No. But that just makes the rent more reasonable.
  • How do you know its spring in Fairbanks? -It’s spring in Fairbanks nine months after the first snow.
Some are just plain bizarre:
  • alaska nuclear basement -We pioneered the nuclear basement, as well as the personal jetpack.
  • uk panty boy -Just the World Cup soccer team, apparently.
  • pantyhose Korean -What we Alaskans wear on our heads in our nuclear basements. While looking at nude pictures of John Leguizamo (see next item)
  • john leguizamo nude -Did you really want to see that?
  • divination laws in alaska -No divination on alternate Thursdays, unless you have a tarot license.
  • white pasty saliva in stomach -How can you tell? Eww.
  • i want to buy a live chicken in alaska -Who doesn’t? Am I right here?
Some appear to know me personally:
  • gum wrapper clutch -Now upgraded to duct tape.
  • tire-chain home-made -Not as easy as it might first sound . . .
  • thor log splitter -My secret is out! Will they let me back in to Valhalla? How did you figure out, the hat with the horns on it?

12 Comments:

Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

http://www.google.com/search?q=you+so+badly+crack+me+up+I+am+rolling+on+the+floor

I am not going to blogroll you though. Not touchin' that.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Shawn Kielty said...

Blogger so totally sucks sometimes.

Try this.

http://www.google.com/search?q=you+so+badly+crack+me+up+I+am+rolling+on+the+floor

10:27 PM  
Blogger JohnCub said...

While my "isp" will report I'm from washington state (or is it oregon, heck I don't know), I'm actually in coastal georgia.

Searching is an odd thing. I'm almost ashamed at some of the searches that lead people to my blog.

3:42 AM  
Blogger HP said...

killing me
iM pee-P iNg RoTF
Not going to blogroll you either

5:47 AM  
Blogger brotherbill said...

Obviously The Boy has alien friends to "assist" in his photographic experimental endeavors. Perhaps he speaks incoherently in strange tongues to people whom do not appear to be in the room? Is his body at times controlled by unseen forces, and bruised, scraped and bloodied without explanation? Maybe he unceasingly questions you about sci-fi movies and characters like blood monsters, ghoulies, and trolls. Collecting Star Wars posters? Easily distracted and suffer short attention spans?

I don't want to alarm you, but does he look you straight in the eye and say, "You're gonna have to sleep sometime, MacReady." If you're nodding yes!yes!yes!, it just might be time to hunker down in the nuclear shelter.

7:47 AM  
Blogger David J said...

You can add one from the Northern Territory of Australia...
I enjoyed reading your whitty comments and may drop by again to see what's up up there.
Enjoy your summer, our winters are fantastic. About 29 decrees celcius during the day and overnight lows of around 16! The skys are blue and there's heaps on. We get heaps of tourists too but that's ok because we lose them as soon as it starts warming up around here! They all want to live here until they realize they can't swim in the sea and it gets so hot that you feel your skin melting off you for most of the year.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Duck Hunter said...

I don't know how to find the information you listed in this post. How do you find out how people are finding you? Is it through the counter or something?

6:48 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I'm one of those quirky Alaskans who enjoys looking at other Alaskan blogs. (ok, so I've only been here a year...am I still considered a cheechako?)

1:03 PM  
Blogger Woofwoof said...

忘了你找人来 Floobees 总统和台湾.

6:59 AM  
Blogger dogsled_stacie said...

ok, I just put up my wacky searches then the next day check out your blog... and you did the same a few days earlier! Really, I'm not stalking your blog... maybe our warped northern minds think alike?

Oh, and my favourite blogs are those done locally. Alaskans are a close second though... ;)

9:43 AM  
Blogger John said...

shawn,
Totally! And, no blog rolling here, either ;)

johncub,
Perhaps your ISP is right, in a Matrix-y kind of way, and you really are in Washington. Hmm?

hp,
LOL!

brotherbill,
I haven't yet let him watch "The Thing" but that is perhaps the best movie ever done on a typical Alaskan winter. So uneventful. And, one of my favorites.

david j,
Hope you do drop by again. I'll keep the beer cold. Ugh. I've been that hot. No more. Ugh.

duck,
I bought this really cool psionics helmet from www.tinfoilhat.com.

Actually, google analytics (thanks, pupsickle) is my favorite data source, but mapstats also works.

kim,
A year is good. I think the definition of Sourdough is somebody who's been here about five years longer than you have (at any point) been here.

woof,
Yay, Floobees. No hits from that, though.

stacie,
Heh, great frosty minds think alike!

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like he took the picture from inside a lamp shade looking up.

I read your whole blog from beginning to present. Very well written and entertaining! I'm trying to move to Fairbanks area myself.

5:48 PM  

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