Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

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Location: United States

Sunday, November 12, 2006

"So pee now because once we're on the road, we ain't stopping." - Hank, King of the Hill

We finally stopped at a tourist-rest stop about twenty miles short of my goal. The Boy has several attributes which make him a bit different than the rest of humanity. The first is that, as far as I know, he has never been tired. Some children go willingly to bed. The Boy, I can honestly report, has never gone willingly to bed. Each and every night it's an emotional battle that we, being much larger and knowing ways to deliver physical pain that leave nary a mark, always win. But the battle continues. One night I let him stay up as "long as he wanted," in the mistaken thought that whatever cascade of chemicals that work in normal humans would permeate his brain and make him desire to go to bed, or at least fall asleep on the couch.


He stayed up until my patience frayed due to chemicals cascaded through my brain putting me in a drowsy state. I ordered him to bed. Again.

The other physiological function that he denies the existance of is the need to go to the bathroom. He denies the need until it becomes the most urgent thing in the universe. I'm thinking that these are both related, and that he thinks he's some sort of human-god hybrid (on his mother's side, no doubt) and need not consider that he has a physical body.

Back to our trip . . . . We got to the rest stop, and while I didn't think he'd go to sleep, well, he did (after a brief discussion that only included a few threats from me to pull his nose-hairs out with tweezers) finally went to use the bathroom before it became an urgent need.

We began to drive back up the road. Since I was prepared for the precipitious slope that I'd see, that helped. What I wasn't prepared for was that on the way back, rather than driving on the safer slope-side, now I was driving on the "screaming until the body of the Wildermobile crumbles under the inexorable pull of the Earth's gravity well" side.

This was worse than the trip in.

You can look out and see a panoramic vista that stretches over a wide, wonderous valley. The large reason for that vista is that there is nothing between you and the rest of the valley. The valley 1000' below. Not even a guardrail.

There's an observation spot or two to stop at, so The Boy and I did so. We went on a short hike to see, well, tundra. There were signs everywhere telling us not to walk on the real tundra, because it seems that walking on tundra-plants makes them die, and it takes about sixty million years for them to grow back if you even look at them.

I feel about tundra plants the way I feel about endangered species. If they're that weak, well, do we really want to burden the future with caring for them? Knowing that these are Federal plants, well, we could spend billions of dollars on them just to keep them alive. Let them die in peace. Better yet, let me trample them.

The rest of the way back was relatively uneventful. We hit up the staff at the local tourist trap as they prepared to offload inventory so that they could make their way back to Arizona, or Michigan, or wherever that they live when they're not schilling stuff to tourists. We bought some nice Alaska-themed merchandise for half the original price.

The Mrs. was happy to see us when we pulled in the driveway. The Boy . . . not tired.

Never is.

Countdown-two weeks or so to pretty pictures.


Blogger Jill Homer said...

"I feel about tundra plants the way I feel about endangered species. If they're that weak, well, do we really want to burden the future with caring for them?"

No matter how you feel about it, that's a great line.

12:23 AM  
Blogger Dame Koldfoot said...

Are you counting in metric time? “Two weeks or so” = 1 month 1 week 4 days 16 hours 39 minutes and 12 seconds? I remember what happened the last time you said "a week or three."

9:10 AM  
Blogger Clara....in TN said...

Two week or so?????? Oh No, here we go again..... I can wait....patience is one of my virtues.

11:05 AM  
Blogger John said...

Thanks . . . ! I'm just doing my part to make the world a less biologically diverse place. Maybe just lawns for plants. And sweet, burnable trees.

No . . . well, maybe. Depends on if my computer is in metric beers or not.

I'll keep on typing, just no pretty pictures.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

So what is the reason we have not pics again? Was it something about aluminum? tin cans? Ahhh puffle!
If I was to create some sort of cool and unusual gift exchange for bloggers that would suit both men and women and nethers. What would you like to exchange? I thought about pins. Not that kind! I mean souvenir pins of the city/town you live in and the state/province and country....If you would not be interested in that.......I would like to hear your thoughts.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:29 AM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Hey John,
Can you come by my blog and help me help a friend?

12:31 PM  
Blogger Lynn said...

I have created a swap for women and men to participate in. It is a cheapy one, yet will be fun.
Wanna join The Three Pin Shuffle?

9:20 AM  
Blogger laura said...

Hi, I enjoy your AK blog and have recently started one of my own at laurainak.blogspot.com, come visit if you'd like!

12:04 PM  
Blogger SusanE said...

Waiting for pics. Like everyone else.

4:17 AM  
Blogger Shelby said...

great blog!

3:49 PM  
Blogger SusanE said...

I can relate to your concept of not stopping. My poor husband drinks while we're on the road and I don't stop the car except to purchase gas. The poor man squirms and begs and my response is "well what do you expect when you drink.... if you didn't drink you wouldn't have to pee!" But he never complains when I get him to his destination a day or two before any normal human could pull it off.

Keep writing about the winter. I'm in Arizona for four weeks and need the winter fix.

6:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snow yet?? I figure once the snow starts, you will put those pictures up. lol

12:34 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

I'm just waiting to see how big the wood pile is.

5:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John, I wrote you twice, but northtoalaska@myway.com doesn't work at all. (I get my message back) Can you contact me by e-mail? I'll reply with a bunch of details. Thanks! Greetings from Berlin - michalzak@gmx.de

2:44 PM  
Blogger dogsled_stacie said...

I think there is a Wilder family WOOD emergency with uncharacteristically cold temps in AK this early into winter. So John & Co. are out foraging for wood fully planning for a very deep freeze this winter (damn, he IS prepared!!). And he doesn't want The Boy, Pugsley and the wife to freeze this winter! (or, more importantly, the BEER!)

He's just looking out for those most important things in life.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Always love the blog, and this time from Chengdu China. I just hope the thought police aren't quick around here so I can get out. Thanks for the help with the blog on our end, and I still didn't see a response about your small beer supplies? I did want to hear what this blog showed as a location (if you ever get time again, after pics of course).


12:48 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Wilder Withdrawls... what a long Alaskan winter we're facing!

9:54 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Great blog, I hope to visit your great state someday. Please visit my blog and sign my guestbook. Have a great day

2:24 AM  
Blogger Dame Koldfoot said...

It has offically been two weeks (or so) metric time. I guess you're going by Wilder time.

2:35 PM  
Blogger John said...

No pics . . . yet. Now I have the tools . . . perhaps even as soon as tomorrow. Pins - a fantastic idea!

Yup. But why not all free states?

:), and sure!

Soon!!!! Only 24 or so hours!


Winter is the best. More on that, soon.

Already had snow, sometime back. Nice, white, fluffy flakes.

Wood pile in Alaska is never quite big enough, even though it's smaller now!

I'll toss you a line. That address *should* work.

No wood shortage, no freezing. Yet.

Changes in latitude, changes in attitude? Perhaps a good title?

Not for long!!!!

Will do, and thank you!!!

dame koldfoot,
It seems like so (longer) and so (shorter). No shortage of stories to tell here. Expect a hum-dinger in the next week!

7:37 PM  

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