Wilder by Far

A look at life with the Wilder family. Updated most weekends and some vacation days. You can contact me at movingnorth@gmail.com..

My Photo
Location: United States

Sunday, July 20, 2008

"The same thing we do every night, try to take over the world clean the house!" - The Brain, Animaniacs


Pugsley, clutching his drink as if his life depended upon it. In this case, it did, since that’s where I poured in the antidote. Muahahaha.

On Saturday, The Mrs. took a huge gamble. The Mrs. left me, The Boy, and Pugsley all to our own devices. Oh, sure, I’d like to tell you that she was gambling away our nest egg playing baccarat in Monaco, but in reality The Mrs. had been invited to sign some books at a book store, and would be gone for hours.

The Mrs. does not trust me to take both The Boy and Pugsley on Cub Scout camping trips. I’ll explain:

The Mrs. is worried that I’ll come home after taking Both Boys out and she’ll say: “Where’s Pugsley?” and I’ll respond with, “He wasn’t with you?”

So, having The Boy and Pugsley all to myself on a Saturday afternoon is rare. I had fantastic plans about what The Boy and I would do after Pugsley went down for his nap. We would build an unpermitted aircraft hangar as our first step toward building our own air force and taking over Texas. The whole point of that is world domination, but I’m stating the obvious.

Anyhow, it was way way way too hot outside for all of that nonsense. If you live in Texas, it’s better to attempt to build the infrastructure for a mad-scientist-type world takeover in November. That way you catch people paying off their credit cards from Christmas in January, so they don’t notice a change of management so much. Ever notice when they inaugurate new presidents? Hmmm?

Instead we stayed inside. As the coffee The Mrs. left behind slowly permeated my synaptic nervous system, I began to be much more dictatorial. Immediately, I began ordering the small blonde household residents about.

Immediately, I was met with a chorus of:

“Awww, man,” from The Boy, and

“Ee-ee-ee EE hauf!” from Pugsley.

Despite the malingering whining from the tiny ones, I rule with an Iron Pinkie. Soon enough, small bodies were scurrying back and forth, taking trash out, mowing lawns, and welding up a new trellis.

In the span of the five hours that The Mrs. was gone, I reconfigured our media center (sounds pompous for plugging some electrical crap in, doesn’t it?) led The Boys to clean up all the spare clothing in both bathrooms, cleaned toilets, lifted barges, toted bales, etc., etc.

The Mrs. showed up, and far from seeing the scene of devastation that she was expecting, saw a house that had no less than three rooms that were cleaner than when she left. (I didn’t do dishes. Sorry.)

I always default back to that old Andy Griffith Show when Aunt Bea left to visit some relation or other, and left Andy and Opie all by themselves. They had a kegger, of course (my memory is a little vague here) and then had to rush to clean up everything so that when Aunt Bea showed back up, everything was nice and tidy.

That made Aunt Bea sad, since she didn’t feel needed. I think (again, memory is a little rough here) that Andy roughed up Aunt Bea and then she was okay. Or maybe not. Maybe it was Barney.

Anyhow, The Mrs. showed up and just was happy that the three pagans that were left in charge of the place made it a little nicer. Which is good, since I really, really don’t remember what Andy did to make Aunt Bea feel good again. I do think that The Mrs. will trust us when she has to be gone again. Fortunately, she has no idea about the kegger we had.

Thankfully, nobody reads anything on the Internet, right?
Posted by Picasa


Blogger Jeffro said...

Thankfully, nobody reads anything on the Internet, right?

My lips are sealed, I tell ya. Sealed.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Dame Koldfoot said...

akgsgI spent the last three days cleaning the house and doing ALL of the laundry in preparation of our (me and the Girls; Coldie is staying here to enjoy the cooling fall temps) 2-1/2 week absence from Coldfoot Manor. Hopefully when I return, I will still have four standing walls, a roof and still living dog. I don't expect much.

7:55 PM  
Blogger John said...

Good, keep it between us.

dame koldfoot,

Ohhhh, leaving paradise during the daylight hours? I think that Coldie will do a good job taking care of the place. Or the dog. Sometimes you have to make choices when you're a guy alone.

5:41 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Silktide SiteScore for this website
Blog Flux Directory Blogarama Free Web Counters
Web Counter
Search Popdex:
Humor Blog Top Sites Top100 Bloggers
Top100 uscity.net directory