"Have you ever been on a
wood hauling trip shrimp boat?" - Bubba, Forrest Gump
Winter, coming soon to an Alaska near you. First frost was this week.
I was two sentences into Sunday’s edition of Life in Alaska. The Mrs., ever attentive, asked what I was going to write about.
“Well,” I said, “This is a pivotal weekend. We now have enough wood that I’m pretty sure that we can get through the winter on our supply.”
The Mrs.: “You’re going to write about wood, again? John, that’s a bit nuts. I know you’re obsessed, but perhaps that’s the reason that your website dropped 0.02% behind google.com last week as the most popular website ever. Perhaps people are just sick and tired of reading about wood.”
I pondered this. I thought, perhaps, just perhaps, that The Mrs. was right, and I was turning into Bubba from Forrest Gump. She generally is. You remember Bubba, right? Here’s my version:
“You’ve got birch saplings, fresh cut birch, cured birch, split birch...“Instead of writing about wood again, perhaps I could give a bit of insight into the psyche of the average Alaskan, edify and delineate the juxtaposing paradoxes that are Alaska.
“You’ve got birch stump, birch branches, aspen wood, blocked aspen, green aspen...”It almost spawned a fistfight, and now my neighbors have taken up positions around the cabin making sure that I never leave again, at least until the riots in downtown Fairbanks finish up. They think that they’ve got me surrounded and cut off from outside contact. I fooled them. I’ve got wireless Internet.
“You’ve got spruce boughs, knotty spruce, dry spruce, black spruce...”So, I sit here, and realize that yes, as usual The Mrs. is right. Perhaps I should write about something other than wood. It does make me a bit one-dimensional.
“You’ve got spruce branches, spruce needles, pine cones...”Yes, letting the Fairbanks riots of ’06 calm down is probably the best course. Perhaps I could write next week about
“You’ve got gas chainsaws, electric chainsaws, log milling machines...”As The Mrs. says, “Quit being so darn obsessed with the wood.”
“And that’s... that’s all I know about wood.”